I will be forever grateful for the internet and the incredible online communities that have made me feel supported and loved. One of my favourite and most unexpected communities is definitely that of the #DadTribe. Tradition say we men keep our feelings to ourself and leave the parenting somewhat to the women. The #DadTribe says fuck traditions. It’s a new age of Dad’s rocking responsibility, love and wearable baby fashion.
This leads me perfectly onto the UNLIKELY DAD who i met through this incredible community. Him and his hubby have the most beautiful little boy and i am absolutely overwhelmed by the love I see radiating from that little family.
Get to know him below as we chatted all things adoption, love and blogging!
I am absolutely in love with your story and absolutely in love with your little family. Can you tell us a little about your journey into parenthood and how the UNLIKELY DAD came about?
Thank you very much!! I just share my life, no gloss or pretence and I love hearing positive feedback like that! We decided to adopt in 2014. Before then, kids were never really on the agenda. I couldn’t say why, I think we just liked our own personal time as a couple, traveling, doing as we pleased… the usual stuff. But when I hit thirty something did definitely change. I don’t know if it was that classic body clock ‘PING’ women claim to get or what, but it was time. We’d had a couple flats and were finally in a house big enough for a family. I felt ‘grown up’ I guess? I always said I was a late bloomer and it took me a while to even know what I wanted to do with my life. But at thirty we were ready.
I had great insight at the time as I worked for an adoption charity so the knowledge I gained on the types of children in care and the process was invaluable for us. We knew it was what we needed to. We knew our child was out there. We just didn’t know them yet. But they were there.
As for UNLIKELY DAD… I always knew I wanted to blog. I just didn’t know what about. I was never the coolest kid on the block with the hottest trends so fashion blogging wouldn’t work. I didn’t have many hobbies either. But then I became a dad and I found I had this voice. I didn’t feel represented in social media really. A young (ish) gay, adoptive dad. I saw the Instagram scene awash with mum and dad bloggers and I love that space. It felt so inclusive and like we were all in this together. But I wanted to make myself accessible and commercial. To be seen as a dad, just like anyone else. And I have worked damn hard. I write from my heart and all my photos are precious to me. I love what I do and hope by sharing what life as a gay dad looks like is actually just showing my followers we’re all the same!
What has been the hardest parts of parenthood for you?
For me in the early days I think it was a lack of control perhaps. You can’t tell a baby or toddler what to do. They have their own ideas and they will do as they please. As a control freak I learnt quickly to just let go and be the best parent I could be. I adapt well to change I think so I just threw myself in. I accepted that my nice clean home would get battered and have milk marks on the walls… none of it mattered because I had my baby boy who brought the biggest joy to my world. Oh and sleep… we had it easy the first three years and then it all went tits up and we now have an early riser. I am constantly tired. It’s just my thing now…
It gets me emotional even watching videos of you and your boy because I can see the love so purely. I wondered if you’ve ever had any negatively by putting your journey into such a public platform though and how you’ve dealt with it if you have?
Thankfully I haven’t. I am sure that time may come? I don’t know. But I have thick skin, I don’t engage in any drama. I haven’t the energy for it. I don’t see it as my job to either change someone’s deep rooted beliefs/opinions. Treat your social media likwe you’d treat your friendship circle. If you don’t like someone you wouldn’t hang out with them. The same should apply for social media. I do feel now Kai is approaching five that he will soon not want to be involved, and that is fine. I want to develop my channel to be about me and the family, not just him, and i think it’s working as it grows.
What does love mean to you?
Love means the world and more to me. you could take everything I have away and as long as I have my boys and our love for each other I’ll be fine. We’ve been through crazy time. We’ve lost jobs. Had roofs cave in on our flat. Lost family members. And our love (and sense of humour) is what gets us through. Sometimes I think of the enormity of what has happened the last few years when adopting Kai I stop and think “Wow…”. I give my gratitude to the universe every single day for what I have either via my thoughts oer just through talking it out with my husband. Giving THNAKS for everything we have. Food. Warmth. Money to live a life we choose. And love. We have everything we’d ever need.
What are five things you are grateful for?
Ah good link! I am grateful for;
1) My boys.
2) My friends (who are my family really)
3) Our home and everything we have to live happily.
4) My age. I have learnt so much as I have gotten older.
5) My heart. I am so happy that I feel so deeply. Yes I can be an emotional wreck sometimes, but I embrace it and love to let my emotions out freely. It feels so much better than holding things in or refusing to cry.
As I am someone who is quite publicly obsessed with the wonder of spirituality in all forms, I’ve got to ask a little about your husband as he seems to have such a interesting view. Can you explain a little more bout who he does?
My husband is amazing (I would say that). He is a shaman. I can never do his work justice, so I have handed over to him to type this next bit…Thanks Tom, I too am slightly obsessed with all forms of spiritualty, I could talk about it for hours and about what I do as a shaman, so I’ll try and be brief! I wanted to be a monk when I was a kid, strange I know, but I have always spoken to God in my own way. After a traumatising illness that almost took my life, I began my healer’s journey. As a shaman I heal by bringing you into wholeness, not by fixing you, you are already perfect, but by assisting you to shed your past the way a serpent would she her skin. I work at the physical, the mental/psychological, the archetypical or mythic and then once I’ve done all I that is needed, I hand the client over to God. I am a professional listener, I hold sacred space for you to do your own healing. My spirituality is animism, which means I see the many faces of God in every face I meet, in the rivers, the trees, the ocean and the earth. My tradition is of the Inca people of the Andres mountains, in Quechua there is a saying that sums up this spiritualty - In Lak’ech – which means ‘I am another you.’ We are All one, and the One is All..
ohhh, that is incredibly beautiful. I am another you.
I am going to leave this post with that little drop of magic. A beautiful family that I am honoured to know. Give them a follow :)